I like cats

October 15th, 2011

I like cats because they don’t give a fuck. They do what they want and they aren’t afraid to be embarrassed. You think a cat on a youtube video is embarrassed that they got 12 million hits? Fuck no. They think to themselves ” Meow meow I’m so awesome I got 12 million hits worship me humans. Meow Bring me warm milk”

Also cats sleep all day and do they apologize for it? Never. They are going to do the same thing the next day and the next day. Really there aren’t too many activities better than sleep so I’m not sure I wouldn’t do the same thing if I didn’t have responsibilities.  Plus when you are a cat you can get fat and eat lasagna like Garfield and have it be a likable trait. Humans not so much.

Cats can also go from purring to biting pretty fast. They are like fluffy cobras. I realize this isn’t a very great post but it’s a post so that’s a start.  Also dogs are still better but cats are pretty cool.

Anchor text tips for Mommyofmonster guest post

June 23rd, 2011

This post references my guest post at mommyofamonster’s called What Are Keywords and Why Are They Important? (Part 2)This is what I wrote to Tracy today from www.sellabitmom.com so that is why all the examples are her blog. Here is the email:

First here is the definition of anchor text links from wikipedia that might help you http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anchor_text

Read that first.

So basically an anchor text link is a keyword or phrase that links to a site. The anchor text is in an easy to read hyperlink form because reading html is ugly.

Say for example I want to move up in the search engines for the phrase funny tshirts for my site sogeshirts.com.

The html version of it would look ugly but would be:

< a href=”http://www.sogeshirts.com”>funny tshirts
it should really be <a href without a space between the < sign and the a but wordpress will turn funny tshirts into a hyperlink.

Blog posts though are not written in html form cause that is ugly. Instead a blue or purple hyperlink that says funny tshirts and will link to sogeshirts.com will appear instead. It will look like this funny tshirts

Lets say you are posting on thetamom.com and are writing a guest post there. For this example you want to move up in the search engines for the phrase parenting blog.

You may write something in the middle of the post making a reference to one of your other blog posts about the hairdo that Esther was rocking. Since you want to link to your specific blog post http://sellabitmum.com/2011/06/20/birds-of-a-hair-feather/ and you want to move up for the phrase parenting blog you will write something like this.

Make sure to check out what Esther would look like if her hair was hair feathered in my parenting blog

In Html form the sentence would look like this:
Make sure to check out what Esther would look like if her hair was hair feathered in my < a href=”http://sellabitmum.com/2011/06/20/birds-of-a-hair-feather/”>parenting blog

See how the first one works a lot nicer. Like i said in my post instead of having you write the html out you can usually highlight the keyword phrase you want an anchor text link from, highlight it and hit the link button. So you type in parenting blog in wordpress highlight parenting blog and find the link button which will be one of the buttons below the title of your post. You then enter the link of what you want to point the phrase parenting blog to which is your website. It can be your homepage or one of your blog posts.

If you have to do anchor text html without the button it isn’t hard. Just use this formula Remember there should be no separation between the < and the a it should look like <a href but wordpress would turn that into a link.

< a href=”website url”>keyword

so lets do a few examples.

Lets try to rank for mom humor blog. What would that look like when pointing to your homepage?

In html it would look like

< a href=”http://sellabitmum.com/”>mom humor blog

how would it look for humor blog

< a href=”http://sellabitmum.com/”> humor blog

Fool me once shame on me

June 15th, 2011

I’m so tired of movie trilogies. The first movie is usually good, the second ok to bad, and the third Anthony Weinerish. It’s why I’m boycotting Pirates of the Caribbean 4 and the Transformers Moon movie. I’m still giving myself a Scarlett T for taken for seeing Pirates 3. That movie was so boring that I thought I was going to turn into a bear and hibernate. Not one of those active bears like the black bears who get things done. One of those other bears that I can’t think of the name who hibernate for two years. Ok sorry that was a tangent. Here’s another tangent. Jack Black needs to stay a cartoon Panda. That is the only way I am not annoyed with him.

As for the Transformers dark moon movie at least they finally got rid of that robot Megan Fox. She is terrible. In this new movie I guess the decepticons decide to take over the world after they have been hiding in moon craters. Here is the plot, there will be no plot and Michael Bay will blow things up and there will be some Ginsu knives thrown in for product placement. I wonder which beloved childhood toy Michael Bay can ruin next. They should have him direct a Hungary Hippos movie. In the movie the Hippos will start off eating white pellets (or balls) and then move on from there. Eventually each of the four hippos will try to eat one quarter of the world. The green one will get stuck with eating Antarctica and will die from brain freeze. The other hippos will eat him though so don’t worry about that.

Anyways there have been some good movies this summer. Bridesmaids was hilarious and original, the Hangover two was funny but pretty much the Hangover, and Xmen First Class was actually a smart superhero movie with a cool historical back story and great acting. Glad I saved my money to watch those movies. If you were wondering what the point of this blog was it was to get me writing again.

Where Rainbows Come From tshirts

March 26th, 2011

Tootsie the Unicorn

Tootsie the Unicorn

The scientific explanation of where rainbows come from has to do with light wavelengths and how when light enters water it bends and refracts. Boring stuff and not even the real truth. Everyone in the know, including Stephen Hawking, have concluded that Rainbows really are formed as a result of Unicorns passing gas, otherwise known as farting.

The reason behind this cold hard science is that Unicorns are a mystical and beautiful horse creature with a magical horn. Thus any thing that comes from the unicorn naturally leads to beauty and enchantment. Whenever a unicorn sweats fluffy white clouds appear. When a Unicorn drools delicate rain drops fall from the heavens. Of course most importantly when a unicorn farts rainbows dance with all of its bedazzling six colors. Rainbows most often appear when a unicorn is asleep because the unicorn drools producing water and is blissfully unaware of its other bodily functions. This award winning funny tshirt for men and women has been featured on zazzle.com as the thumbnail for funny tshirts
and was voted one of the three funniest tshirts of the year for 2009

Why should you get Where Rainbows Come From for $15.99? First of all you have to dispense to others the real science behind rainbows as I explained in the first two paragraphs. Dropping all this new found Rainbow science on people will have them thanking you for making them think (or at the very least make them laugh).

Another reason for guys to buy this funny dumb tshirt is that you will definitely be the guy girls want to bring home to mom if your lady is 30 or under. Makes no sense right? Why would she want to show off a guy wearing a farting unicorn to her parents. It’s obvious to piss her parents off. You’ll be the bad boy that your girlfriend loves and her parents hate. The fact that they hate you will make her love you more.

Now for guys over thirty I would advise you not to wear this shirt at the in laws house. Instead you should buy this shirt because fart jokes on a tshirt never go out of style. Plus having a unicorn on your shirt still makes you look sensitive despite what the unicorn is doing. If your lady has a sense of humor she will find the shirt both funny and cute. That is like double bonus points in scrabble right there.

For ladies you should buy this shirt because it will get you attention and lots of it. A girl/woman wearing just a unicorn. Boring. Wearing just a rainbow on their top.. double boring. A combination of a unicorn farting a rainbow. Talk about an attention getter. Please don’t blame us if you cause some whiplash from people staring at your Where Rainbows Come From funny tshirt for women. Plus that unicorn you must admit is pretty cute despite its flatulence. There you have it, every teenager and adult in the world should own this shirt. You just can’t argue with science.

How to create funny tshirts for men

December 18th, 2010

So you want to know how to create funny tshirts for men? In designing tees for men you have to know what men like and respond to. Anything that involves women, beer, sex, violence, bathroom humor, drug humor or funny images is a good place to start.

Unlike women who are drawn to cute and witty tshirt designs, when designing for men you can be a little more obvious. Men want to see the joke right away so a giant pile of beers on the floor as an image with a one word phrase like Tuesday would make them laugh. I should know I just chuckled a bit. If you want men who wear funny tshirts to buy your stuff you have to know what stands out to them. Anything with sexual innuendo, graphic sex jokes, beer and pot jokes, fart jokes, and pop culture references from movies usually works.

The reason these type of tees work is that in the male culture nowadays it is common to see men in their forties and fifties still rocking frat humor shirts. I know I will be at that age. Just because you get older doesn’t mean you still aren’t going to like things that guys like. One best selling tshirt of ours that is a hit with both guys and women features a unicorn farting a rainbow called “Where Rainbows Come From”. It appeals to women because it takes the beauty of a unicorn and it changes it into a farting horse. It appeals to men because fart jokes are hilarious.

I do want to add though although what works best in getting men to wear funny tshirts is to appeal to their most basic instincts, there still exists plenty of guys that wear funny witty tshirts. Jokes about math or science with a smart or ironic twist can definitely appeal to the male tshirt wearer. Taking a funny famous image, pop culture phenomenon, or quote and changing it will also get male tshirt enthusiasts buying your tees in bundles. An example of this would be putting Darth Vader in an apron and having him say “come to the dark side, we have cookies.” Or taking Michelangelo’s “The Creation” and changing God and Adam touching hands to having them give each other fist bumps titled “The Creation Fist Bump” is another example. Putting a unique and fun spin on something that has been seen millions of times can be a huge hit for selling funny tshirts for men.

Ok now that we have learned about how to make funny tshirts for men we need to know where to get them. For the best selection of hilarious men’s humor tees just click funny tshirts for men.

Old School Computer TShirt

December 13th, 2010

Remember before laptops and the iPad when life was simple? When computers at the most were DOS and not many people used them? At Soge Shirts we remember and that is why we created the Old School Computer t-shirt a design we have had since Nov 2008.

The Old School Computer funny geek graphic tshirt features a pencil that has two options. Just like a computer you can either print something or delete something. The pencil tip prints and the eraser deletes. It was so simple and yet so easy. We need to start putting pencils in time capsules now, so in twenty years we can prove to our kids that they really did exist. Schools of the future will be using Macbook Pro’s and all those trips to the pencil sharpener for that awesome one minute break will go by the wayside.

One huge advantage of the old school computer was if your pencil didn’t work you could sharpen it. If no sharpener was available there was always snapping it in two and pulling a new pencil out of your desk. It doesn’t quite work for those new fangled computers dangnabbit. Snapping a real computer in two isn’t advisable unless you are in the Office Space movie or are Bill Gates. Smashing a computer makes you an angry nerd while wearing a hilarious nerd tshirt makes you an awesome nerd and by nerd I mean cool just. like how bad means good.

So who needs this humor technology t-shirt? You do of course if you were born in the 80’s or earlier. Some people don’t believe that dinosaurs exist. With this shirt we can prove that pencils existed and give mad props to the graphite geniuses who came before Kindle and the Ebook. The Old School Computer design makes a great funny tshirt for men and women.

Another reason to get this shirt is maybe you hate technology with a passion. Hopefully with less hate than the Unabomber cause that was way too far. Maybe you hate pens. I mean come on pens get ink all over your hands and they don’t have the power of the comforting eraser. Using pens is like drafting an email and not having the ability to edit the email. Whatever you write is out there.

So support the one the only the original: the pencil. The pencil is like the King or the Beatles while the computer is Linkin Park, Eminem or Britney. Hopefully the pencil will be remembered forever. It will with this design. That is for sure :)

Tim

Skull Roses Lock and peace sign design

December 7th, 2010

Sometimes we need to celebrate the beauty of life. This Hand Sketched Drawing Turned into Beautiful Graphics For Girls Clothing design titled Skull, Roses, Lock and Peace Sign does just that. One thing that symbolizes beauty and love is a red rose. In addition to beauty and love, a red rose also symbolizes courage and respect. I think the Skull in this skull clothing design really pairs together well with red rose as the skull symbolizes our mortality and when you put them together it sends the message of a respect for the beauty and shortness of life. The peace sign in the design while obviously sending the message of peace also while paired with the skull/rose to me represents that life is short and peace needs to be practiced so that love can bloom on Earth instead of wasting time on hate. The lock in this rose artwork design to me represents that you have to unlock your heart to open it up to peace and love.

This design is truly special as it is a hand drawn piece of artwork by President of Soge Shirts David Cree. He originally just started drawing so this design is pure creativity at its finest and was never even intended to become a Soge shirts ladies graphic tshirt design. Since this design was hand drawn you can see all the pencil work and the meticulous detail David did in drawing the bed of roses. Little details like one of the roses being shaped like a heart make one intrigued if there is a deeper story behind the design. The pretty skull in the design if you look at it closely has a bit of a grin on its face and a little heart on its chin. To me this represents that the skull was lucky enough in life to have experienced love, passion, and peace all while unlocking the beauty of life.

Another cool aspect of this design is that since the artwork is hand drawn it looks like it could be a soulful tattoo of some sort. Instead though of enduring the pain and the price of visiting the local tattoo parlor you can rock this soulful pretty rose design on a tshirt. Besides the beauty of the shirt I also think it is kind of has an edgy and rocker feel to it. In fact even though this shirt is intended for women I am a bit jealous of how cool it looks. Just saying.

How to find funny t shirts for men

July 3rd, 2010

Want to know how to find funny t shirts for men? Finding funny t shirts for men can be a bit of a challenge as everyone has a different sense of humor. I have a secret though… you can figure out how to find funny t shirts for men if you can figure out the style of humor, the type of shirt, and the right price for the shirt.

When looking for funny t shirts for men it is crucial that you know what sense of humor the man has. Is he into funny graphic t shirts, funny text t shirts, or pop culture t shirts. If you notice that the guy that you are buying a t shirt for is into funny art concepts with a bit of text then he is into humor graphic tees. Often these shirts are conversation starters or attention grabbers so if the man you are buying for likes the limelight buy him one of these. If the man is into humorous phrases on t shirts then you need to get him a funny text t shirt. These shirts are simple funny phrases of wit on a t shirt with no graphics. Those that are into funny text t shirts for men will often like their shirt to be read so that someone can laugh or smile while reading their shirt. If you are buying for a man who is into humor TV shows or comedy movies then you need to get him a pop culture t shirt. A pop culture humor tee will often be of a celebrity or hilarious catch phrase that achieves popularity for a short amount of time. Don’t worry though buying someone a pop culture t shirt is often a good investment as the shirt will be considered retro five or ten years down the line.

When searching for a humor t shirt for men the type or makeup of the shirt is another main factor to consider. Does the man in your life prefer cotton t shirts, 50-50 blends, or something else all together. Is he looking for just a basic funny t shirt or does he also like long sleeved humor tees or funny hoodies. It’s important to also know which brand of shirt he favors. There are so many choices but Gildan, Fruit of the Loom, American Apparel, and Tultex are pretty common manufacturers for t shirts in general. Ask the man you are buying the funny t shirt for if he has a preference. It is still possible to be stylish while rocking a hilarious t shirt at the same time.

The third and final factor to consider when looking for a funny t shirt for men is the price. Humor t shirts should cost between 10 to 25 dollars depending on the type and style of the shirt. If you are paying more than this for a gift you are probably getting ripped off. Often t shirt companies will have coupons available if you search hard enough that can save you some cash. Also be on the lookout for various holiday sales or general sales. To make sure that you keep up with t shirt companies sales you may want to sign up for the funny t shirt sites newsletter or email list.

Right now that we know how to find funny t shirts for men we need to find a store that sells funny tees for men. Just click on funny t shirts for men

13 reasons Vampire sex is dangerous

December 29th, 2009

Ladies boinking the undead has returned to popularity in the last few years with the twilight saga, True blood,and Vampire Chronicles. Apparently pasty is tasty as our discolored friends our getting more things sucked as opposed to sucking blood. Here are thirteen reasons you may want to reconsider having sex with a vampire.

1. When having sex with a vampire you always need the male to wear a garlic condom for protection.

2. Herpes and Vampires have a lot in common, they’re immortal and just won’t go away so be careful.

3. Vampires sneak out during the night even more than regular guys do.

4. Vampires bites necks for their pleasure not yours.

5. Since vampires never die they are likely to have racked up a large amount of sexual partners and you know they love to talk about their history.

6. Vampires will steal your makeup and lipstick.

7. Instead of being deadbeat dads vampires are deaddead dads.

8. Vampires suck in bed.

9. Once you go bat you always get fat, or dead.

10. Some vampires trick you into having sex with them even though they are actually women. They don’t call it Transylvania for nothing.

11. If you go back to his place Castles are not all they are cracked up to be. Good luck finding toilet paper.

12. After sex you have to spoon hanging upside down.

13. Once you get dumped werewolves sneak in as the rebound guy.

Facebook Suggestion Quiz!

November 3rd, 2009

Facebook has always been known as a bit intrusive. You can find people’s emails, phone numbers, scantily clad pictures, or even status updates that bash the boss of the company. Lately Facebook has decided to take creepy to new heights with their personal suggestions urging me to make facebook better for one of my facebook friends by either
sending them a message or writing on their wall. Here is a fun little quiz with some possible facebook suggestions. The correct answer worth 4 points is the creepiest or most messed up answer, with the second creepiest/messed up answer being three points.

1. Facebook Suggestion: Your facebook friend Kevin has just been laid
off by his job. Please make Kevin feel better by…

A. Writing him a nice uplifting message
B. Giving him some Farmville land to help him back on his feet
C. Write on his wall that he should “enjoy the food stamps”
D. Threaten him that he better return your superpokes cause bro you have free time.

2. Facebook suggestion: Your facebook friend Tina just got engaged
after two weeks of dating. Congratulate her by ….

A. Register for her wedding by giving her a Lil Green Patch cactus plant
B. Calling her on her facebook posted phone number to congratulate her
C. Congratulate her on the obvious pregnancy via her wall which causes her mom to delete her as a facebook friend.
D. Create a facebook group planning her bachelorette party

3. Facebook suggestion: Your significant other Charlie (male or
female) just posted a status message stating that “I should have
looked what was in my burrito.” Help him/her by…

A. Create the fan page bathroom follies and post their picture
B. Send them a Pepto Bismol using virtual pharmacy
C. Send them a link for baby wipes
D. Change your relationship status to single

4. Facebook suggestion: Lacey is bored and wants something to do. Tell
her something to do…

A. Waste hours trying to have a conversation on facebook chat
B. Facebook please stop trying to control me. You are a social media network and I find it really creepy that you know who on my friends list that I have or haven’t interacted with much. I may have to file a restraining order using the fuck off and die application.
C. Tell her to go watch some shitty vampire show on tv
D. Recruit her to your mafia in mafia wars.

Now for the answers listed in the order of most creepy. 4 points for
creepiest 1 for least etc.

1. D,C,B,A
2. C,B,D,A
3. A,D,C,B
4. B,A,C,D

If you scored 13-16 points Congrats you are creepy enough to work for Facebook
9-12 points I bet you wear capes and bow ties
5-8 points Someday you’ll earn your trenchcoat and binoculars
1-4 points Aww you are too nice and often boring